I think the funk I felt the last few days was from real­iz­ing his life is going to mer­ri­ly go on. He may actu­al­ly end up mov­ing here, and I may actu­al­ly have to see him and see every fraud­u­lent action that occurs until jus­tice comes. The kids Face­Timed him yes­ter­day (again, they reach out to him, not vice ver­sa). He is work­ing from the house now, and he’s so unper­turbed by the divorce and cast­ing me aside. Every­thing is going accord­ing to his plan. 

He got the $50K he adamant­ly want­ed from me, and he gets to stay in “his” house. He’s got a new place in the nice part of town he want­ed. He’s going to Belize next week to lead a work­shop, then speak­ing at a nation­al con­fer­ence. He has the mis­tress, who won’t have to stay hid­den much longer and can be at his side as girl­friend, then wife. She is in the same field, so he’ll final­ly have that hus­band-and-wife team that makes the mil­lions in his indus­try. Every­thing is going just the way he wants. Based on his lat­est post, he thinks these are all bless­ings from God. Wow, has he defraud­ed himself.

I found a book of Scrip­ture promis­es last night. I don’t know if it was read­ing those or what, but I slept so well. Even though I saw dreams with him again, I popped up at 4, refreshed and … hope­ful! It shouldn’t have last­ed, once I saw my Face­book noti­fi­ca­tion. His head­shot is on the back cov­er of a nation­al mag­a­zine as part of an ad for a spon­sor, so he uploaded a pic with a lengthy post, about his jour­ney since 2008. Read­ing it, you’d think he’s such an hon­est, hum­ble, hard­work­ing, God-fear­ing guy. You’d also think he’s wild­ly suc­cess­ful. All of which are false. 

But instead of being upset that he’s mov­ing up in the world, it had the oppo­site effect on me. I remem­bered TD Jakes’ words: “It’s a set up.” The high­er they are, the hard­er they fall. I don’t wish mis­for­tune upon him, but I know jus­tice is com­ing. I know God wants him to repent, and as Pas­tor Prince’s ser­mon said, God dis­ci­plines those he loves. I have no clue what any of it looks like. But I can’t let the unknown both­er me like it has the last cou­ple of days. I will fix my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Fin­ish­er of my faith.

The oth­er com­fort­ing thought I had is that I am under some seri­ous spir­i­tu­al cov­er­ing. Not only am I under my father, I am under my pas­tor, and both those men are true men of integri­ty and men of God. I am doing all I can to line myself up with God’s Word. I am plac­ing myself in a posi­tion to be favored. I won’t look to the right or the left. I’ll be faith­ful at what God places in front of me, as I have always been. And I will fill myself up with the Word, and let it push out any­thing else that doesn’t belong.

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I haven’t want­ed to watch any shows since all this hap­pened. It’s a big depar­ture for me, because that was my escape from our life. It was also the one thing he would do with me. We had our “shows.” Suf­fice it to say, I nev­er want to watch any of those again. I watched an America’s Got Tal­ent clip on YouTube just now, and it’s just rein­tro­duc­ing heart­break again. That was one of our “fam­i­ly shows.” The kids will just have to watch that and Amer­i­ca Nin­ja War­rior and The Voice with their dad.

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And the response was not the “God-can-do-any­thing!” mes­sage I was hop­ing for. It was more along the lines of Dr. Weiss’ office.

Anoth­er “no” for that sliv­er. When will I final­ly put it out of its misery?