Found a new trigger.

I asso­ciate it with our hon­ey­moon. The first hotel we stayed at in Italy served crois­sants with lit­tle pack­ets of Nutel­la for break­fast in the gar­den every morn­ing. I had­n’t had it much before then. 

He wants the kids for Spring Break and the fol­low­ing week­end, and just let me know he’s tak­ing them out of town for both. Of course, my first thought is, “OMG, please don’t be doing some­thing with the mis­tress and her kids. You’re not so stu­pid as to rush our kids into meet­ing her, are you?!?” My next thought was, “Why was it always impos­si­ble for us to take a fam­i­ly vaca­tion? But now that we’re almost divorced, sud­den­ly you can take the kids places.”

God, this is yet anoth­er thing that is out of my con­trol, and I don’t want my heart and mind to be a slave to his whims. I feel hostage to his self­ish­ness. The way our mar­riage went? Not my choice. The divorce? Not my choice. The set­tle­ment? Not my choice. The cus­tody agree­ment? Not my choice. And now it looks like he may actu­al­ly move here after all, and I’ll have to see and hear from him. 

Lord, You are still the One Who is tru­ly in con­trol, and You will give me the wis­dom, grace, and strength I need for what­ev­er comes. I trust You with my chil­dren. Pro­tect every part of their being, spir­it, soul, and body. Don’t let him hurt them any­more than they already are. Don’t let him bring this mis­tress into their lives. I would like to see your jus­tice and the sud­den­lies You promised, prefer­ably together.