I am so angry right now.  I just saw a mes­sage my hus­band sent to my son last night, say­ing he is going to be super busy through the end of March, so he doesn’t know when he will see them next. 

Are you kid­ding me? Already?? He’s already back­ing out of see­ing them? How can he do this to them? How can he claim to love them??

You should have seen my daughter’s face at yesterday’s exchange. She was so sad, cling­ing to her dad. Lord, you have to help me deal with the aban­don­ment issues he’s cre­at­ing. Gosh, this alone makes me want to move to my brother’s city, so the kids have more sup­port and strong men of God around them to compensate.

Lord, I need jus­tice. Not for me, for the kids. DO NOT allow them to suf­fer any more from his self­ish, sin­ful, prodi­gal ways. Pro­tect them, Lord. Holy Spir­it, I pray You would hedge them in. May Your over­whelm­ing love fill in the gaps and heal ALL the hurts. They are so young to be learn­ing the inti­ma­cy les­son, that You are our only con­stant and the only love that nev­er fails. Help me guide them through this, to know that their father’s actions are not at all a reflec­tion of their Heav­en­ly Father’s heart for them. May they come through this with a deep­er rela­tion­ship with You, an inti­ma­cy unfor­tu­nate­ly forged through pain. But let Your love over­whelm them, fill­ing them with con­fi­dence and assur­ance in their iden­ti­ties as Your son and daughter. 

I pray bless­ings over them, Lord. I hold You to Your Word, that what the ene­my meant for evil, You will turn to good. That all things work togeth­er for good for them that love God and are called accord­ing to His pur­pose. YOU are not a man, that You should lie.

Father, I know You are in full con­trol. I know You love my hus­band, me, my son, my daugh­ter, more than we can com­pre­hend. Please have mer­cy. I know You make all things beau­ti­ful in Your time, and I want for Your will and not mine to be done. But You see my heart, Lord. Noth­ing is hid­den from You. You know how my heart yearns to see this prodi­gal come to his sens­es. How much I ache for my children’s suf­fer­ing. And as always, I want things to change NOW.

Lol, my phone just dinged with a mes­sage from Dar­by: “I was read­ing my Psalm today and thought of you. I remem­ber need­ing peace in my life. Verse 4 – May He grant you your heart’s desire. May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble!

Psalm 20 (ESV)

May the Lord answer you in the day of trou­ble!
    May the name of the God of Jacob pro­tect you!
² May He send you help from the sanc­tu­ary
    and give you sup­port from Zion!
³ May He remem­ber all your offer­ings
    and regard with favor your burnt sac­ri­fices! Selah

⁴ May He grant you your heart’s desire
    and ful­fill all your plans!
⁵ May we shout for joy over your sal­va­tion,
    and in the name of our God set up our ban­ners!
May the Lord ful­fill all your petitions!

⁶ Now I know that the Lord saves His anoint­ed;
    He will answer him from His holy heav­en
    with the sav­ing might of His right hand.
⁷ Some trust in char­i­ots and some in hors­es,
    but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God.
⁸ They col­lapse and fall,
    but we rise and stand upright.

⁹ O Lord, save the king!
    May he answer us when we call.

So crazy how God shows me His eye is always on me. I got an imme­di­ate response to the prayer I just wrote, before I could even say “Amen.”

Gen­e­sis 50:20 (ESV) – As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many peo­ple should be kept alive, as they are today. 

Romans 8:28 (ESV) – And we know that for those who love God all things work togeth­er for good, for those who are called accord­ing to His purpose.

Num­bers 23:19 (ESV) – God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spo­ken, and will He not ful­fill it?

Eccle­si­astes 3:11 (ESV) – He has made every­thing beau­ti­ful in its time. Also, He has put eter­ni­ty into man’s heart, yet so that he can­not find out what God has done from the begin­ning to the end.

Matthew 6:10 (ESV) – Your king­dom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Matthew 26:39 (ESV) – And going a lit­tle far­ther He fell on His face and prayed, say­ing, “My Father, if it be pos­si­ble, let this cup pass from Me; nev­er­the­less, not as I will, but as You will.”

Jere­mi­ah 17:10 (ESV) – “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man accord­ing to his ways, accord­ing to the fruit of his deeds.”

Luke 8:17 (AMP) – For there is noth­ing hid­den that will not become evi­dent, nor any­thing secret that will not be known and come out into the open.

1 John 3:20 (AMP) – when­ev­er our heart con­victs us [in guilt]; for God is greater than our heart and He knows all things [noth­ing is hid­den from Him because we are in His hands].

Hebrews 4:12 (ESV) – For the word of God is liv­ing and active, sharp­er than any two-edged sword, pierc­ing to the divi­sion of soul and of spir­it, of joints and of mar­row, and dis­cern­ing the thoughts and inten­tions of the heart.

Psalm 139 (ESV) Search Me, O God, and Know My Heart. To the choir­mas­ter. A Psalm of David.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    You dis­cern my thoughts from afar.
³ You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquaint­ed with all my ways.
⁴ Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
⁵ You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowl­edge is too won­der­ful for me;
    it is high; I can­not attain it.

⁷ Where shall I go from Your Spirit?
    Or where shall I flee from Your presence?
⁸ If I ascend to heav­en, You are there!
    If I make my bed in She­ol, You are there!
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning
    and dwell in the utter­most parts of the sea,
¹⁰ even there Your hand shall lead me,
    and Your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Sure­ly the dark­ness shall cov­er me,
    and the light about me be night,”
¹² even the dark­ness is not dark to You;
    the night is bright as the day,
    for dark­ness is as light with You.

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
    You knit­ted me togeth­er in my moth­er’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise You, for I am fear­ful­ly and won­der­ful­ly made.^[a]
Won­der­ful are Your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hid­den from You,
when I was being made in secret,
    intri­cate­ly woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in Your book were writ­ten, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

¹⁷ How pre­cious to me are Your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
    I awake, and I am still with You.

¹⁹ Oh that You would slay the wicked, O God!
    O men of blood, depart from me!
²⁰ They speak against You with mali­cious intent;
    Your ene­mies take Your name in vain.^[b]
21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
    And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
²² I hate them with com­plete hatred;
    I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!^[c]
24 And see if there be any griev­ous way in me,
    and lead me in the way ever­last­ing!^[d]